Midwest Professional Woman's Group Blog

Dress for Success Midwest Professional Women's Group

RESOLVING CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Posted by Dress for Success Midwest Professional Women's Group on October 8, 2010

Ground Rules:

Can you agree to the following?

___ Some conflict is normal and to be expected.
___ Each partner is entitled to their own unique perspective.
___ Each partner can only control their 50% of the interactions.
___ Its acceptable to attack the problem, but not the person.

How To INTERRUPT the Old Patterns by using “R-C-L” :

RESPECT

Try to demonstrate respect at all times, and at 2 levels:
Non-verbally: by maintaining eye contact, turning off any distractions, and trying to appear interested.
Verbally: waiting your turn to talk.

LISTEN

If in doubt on what to do or say, resort to LISTENING. You can always respond later.
Listening does not mean you agree, but rather that you are at least trying to receive the message.
Attempt to understand the message by listening on 2 levels: with your head, and with your heart.

CHOOSE (how you respond)

Don’t just react! You can take some time to think and reflect before giving any response.
If conflict is escalating into the danger zone, call a time-out and get apart for a few minutes.
It is better to delay than to destroy.
Stay focused on the (one) topic.
Make your point and stop! Going on and on reduces the chances of being heard.
Details will only pollute your point.
Using unfair tactics may feel effective in the moment, but work against any real problem solving.
Use “I” messages instead of “You” messages: i.e., “I felt____, when you ____.”
This identifies your feelings and concerns, yet acknowledges you take responsibility for your own feelings. Saying, “You made me feel ___,” says the other person is responsible for making you feel so-and-so. This is never true, since we are responsible for how we choose to interpret a comment. It is a common cognitive mistake. This response will always put the other person on the defensive.

RESOLUTION may only come with time, not during one particular battle.

Remember: “If I do what I always did, I’ll get what I always got.”

Stephen L. Knubley, Principal
Knubley Counseling, LLC

Copyright © 2000-2009 Knubley Counseling, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Rev 9-9-09

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