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Posts Tagged ‘stress’

RESOLVING CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Posted by Dress for Success Midwest Professional Women's Group on October 8, 2010

Ground Rules:

Can you agree to the following?

___ Some conflict is normal and to be expected.
___ Each partner is entitled to their own unique perspective.
___ Each partner can only control their 50% of the interactions.
___ Its acceptable to attack the problem, but not the person.

How To INTERRUPT the Old Patterns by using “R-C-L” :

RESPECT

Try to demonstrate respect at all times, and at 2 levels:
Non-verbally: by maintaining eye contact, turning off any distractions, and trying to appear interested.
Verbally: waiting your turn to talk.

LISTEN

If in doubt on what to do or say, resort to LISTENING. You can always respond later.
Listening does not mean you agree, but rather that you are at least trying to receive the message.
Attempt to understand the message by listening on 2 levels: with your head, and with your heart.

CHOOSE (how you respond)

Don’t just react! You can take some time to think and reflect before giving any response.
If conflict is escalating into the danger zone, call a time-out and get apart for a few minutes.
It is better to delay than to destroy.
Stay focused on the (one) topic.
Make your point and stop! Going on and on reduces the chances of being heard.
Details will only pollute your point.
Using unfair tactics may feel effective in the moment, but work against any real problem solving.
Use “I” messages instead of “You” messages: i.e., “I felt____, when you ____.”
This identifies your feelings and concerns, yet acknowledges you take responsibility for your own feelings. Saying, “You made me feel ___,” says the other person is responsible for making you feel so-and-so. This is never true, since we are responsible for how we choose to interpret a comment. It is a common cognitive mistake. This response will always put the other person on the defensive.

RESOLUTION may only come with time, not during one particular battle.

Remember: “If I do what I always did, I’ll get what I always got.”

Stephen L. Knubley, Principal
Knubley Counseling, LLC

Copyright © 2000-2009 Knubley Counseling, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Rev 9-9-09

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Success Summit Sunday Morning Speaker

Posted by Dress for Success Midwest Professional Women's Group on October 7, 2010

At the last day of the Dress for Success, Success Summit. Sunday’s Inspirational key note speaker Rae Lewis -Thornton focused on progress. Thrornton explained, “My Life is not my own.” She described about how she overcame obstacles of all kinds. Thornton She talked about how she was sexually, emotionally, and psychically abused from age 5 to 17. Thornton shared that therapy is necessary to deal with and heal from sexual abuse.

She explained, “That we all have a history and it’s standing on something I have history with God.” She told us how faith and character helped overcome. Thornton said her grandmother was instrumental in encouraging her faith.

Thronton stated, ” What ever your struggle know that you will be fighting against that Demon all of your life.” She explained about the consequences of living with AIDS. She shared candidly about how the disease caused people to suffered with diarrhea. Despite dealing with direatha Thorton lead an active life. She talked about how the first few times she had diarrhea she was able to wash up and not be embarrassed, just in convenient.

Thornton shared about how diarrhea hit when she was in a restaurant having dinner. She went to the bathroom and set in her mess in the stall. Trying to figure out what to do. She said the lesson from this was, ” Sometimes you have to sit still in your mess, figure out your next move…this situation I’m in … i have to sit still an think about my next move. She then preceded to be humble and wash up in the toilet. She washed and flushed.

Thornton explained the importance of respecting public space. She went on to tell how she washed out her panties and wrapped them up in toilet paper and put them in her pocket . Even though she was going to discard them. She said she didn’t discard them at the restaurant because, she had to realize how her actions affected others.
This made me think about how personally pride has caused me to rush and my mess has affected others as a result.

Thornton explained God always has a plan. his time it not ours, his ways are not ours! She encouraged” be willing to tell your story, your life is not your own. She did not share the story at first, but once she started sharing it she realized she was helping others. She said an actress heard her story and developed into a project about women and AIDS. Thornton explained she praised God because the actress was able to reach a group, she couldn’t.
Thornton explained to Ebony, “I want people to say, ‘She took the adversities in her life and she used them for the goodness of God.'”

For more information about living with AIDS check out Thorton’s blog.

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7 WAYS TO SLEEP BETTER TONIGHT

Posted by Dress for Success Midwest Professional Women's Group on October 6, 2010

1 Make your bedroom sleep-friendly. Not only should your mattress be comfortable and your room dark, quiet and cool, you shouldn’t do anything except sleep or make love in there: No eating, working or watching TV. Light from screens signals your brain to stop producing the sleep hormone melatonin, so it takes longer to nod off.

2 Hide the clock. Or at least turn it away while you’re sleeping. Digital clocks are particularly bad because their precise readouts are constant reminders that the night is ticking away and you’re still awake, says Daniel McNally, M.D., medical director of the University of Connecticut Sleep Disorders Center in Farmington.

3 Spend less time in bed. “Most people spend more time in bed to try to increase their hours of shut-eye,” says Bruce Rybarczyk, Ph.D., associate professor of clinical psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. But lying there awake breeds frustration. Instead, hit the pillow only for the hours that you are actually slumbering. This creates a greater desire for sleep so that when you finally do get in bed, you fall asleep faster and stay that way longer. As your sleep improves, you can gradually roll back your bedtime until you’re sleeping for a full night.

4 Don’t eat late. Eating at night affects levels of ghrelin, a hormone that regulates hunger and sleep. Ghrelin levels naturally rise in the evening, readying us for bed. But if we nosh at night our ghrelin levels drop so we don’t feel as sleepy. “One of the ways people keep themselves going until 1 A.M. is by eating late at night,” explains Craig Keebler, M.D., medical director of medical Weight Management at Swedish Medical Center in Seattle.

5 Avoid nicotine, caffeine and alcohol. These are notorious sleep-stealers. Nicotine is a stimulant, plus cigarette cravings can wake you up at night. The effects of caffeine can last up to seven hours, so switch to decaf after 3 P.M. Alcohol’s sneakier: It’s sedating, but because it leaves your system quickly, that can wake you up and cause trouble getting back to sleep.

6 Have a bedtime ritual. “You need a half-hour of unwinding time before bed,” says Aparajitha Verma, M.D., medical director of the Methodist Sleep Disorder Center in Houston. “You can’t be doing all these active things, then suddenly switch it off and expect to sleep. You have to prepare yourself. Read, meditate, listen to music, whatever calms you down before getting into bed.”

7 Clear your head. A steady diet of shock media will surely keep you up at night. So if you tend to ruminate on the world’s ills, avoid material that will bother you, advises Ralph Pascualy, M.D., director of Sleep Medicine Associates in Seattle. “As people get tired, problems become much larger.”

One way to deal with worries that keep you up is to write down your concerns along with some possible solutions. Things don’t look so dire when you see them on paper, notes Dr. Pascualy. This simple act allows your brain to let go of your fears so you can get some rest. ________________ Quoted/Excerpted from (or Resource Links): 7 ways to sleep better tonight. Family Circle magazine. December 2008. p134.

Stephen L. Knubley, Principal
Knubley Counseling, LLC

From CCA: Which of these items do you already practice in some form? Which one stands out as a potentially useful and new practice? Remember that it takes about 30 days of daily application of a single new behavior to condition it into a habit. See our handout: MAKING NEW HABITS for more valuable information. Copyright © 2000-2009 Knubley Counseling, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Rev 9-9-09

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How to de-stress in changing times

Posted by Dress for Success Midwest Professional Women's Group on September 15, 2010

Maudie Kelly, MS
Human Development Specialist
University of Missouri Extension, St. Louis County

I’ve been hearing many people talk about the stress in their lives related to family, job, finances, etc. Recently I saw an article by Doc Childre on the Internet that addresses this issue and will share some of his points.

We seem to be in a period of rapidly changing times, which can make personal challenges even more difficult. It is not uncommon for us to become overwhelmed with stress, which then limits our capacity to cope. It may be a lengthy process to figure out how to reduce stress, but it is important for us to stay as physically and emotionally healthy as possible while we navigate through these difficult challenges.

Several practices can help us reduce stress and move forward as we deal with stressful issues.

· Communicate and interact with others. Share your feelings with someone, or even a group of people, who are going through similar experiences. Whether you are crying or laughing together, collective support can help lift your spirits, which in turn can release stress buildup.

· Open your heart. When in crisis, it is normal for people to “shut down” their heart feelings due to thoughts of shock, anger, fear and despair. While this is understandable, it is also important to have compassion for yourself. Try to reopen your heart feelings. One way might be to offer kindness and support to others in need. Even small acts of kindness and compassion can help you reestablish your footing and reduce stress that can affect your health. Much stress can be reduced by caring for and interacting with others.

· Express appreciation and gratitude. Every day, send genuine feelings of appreciation to someone or something—children, family members, pets or others. The practice of appreciation and gratitude has been proven to help people reconnect with
feelings of hope.

· Practice heart-focused breathing. Breathe while imagining your breath passing in and out through your heart area or the center of your chest. Envision yourself as taking time to refuel your system by breathing in an attitude of calm and balance. At other times, you may substitute with breathing the feeling of appreciation, compassion, or any other positive feeling you may choose. This can be done in a quiet place or while walking, jogging or eventually in a conversation with others. This technique is being taught throughout the world and can be very helpful in reducing anxiety and anger.

· Get plenty of sleep. Stress can make it harder to sleep, but sleep is especially important in times of crisis. Get what sleep you can. Try not to over-dramatize your concerns about it, which can only make it worse. Breathing an attitude of calm and relaxation for five minutes or so before bed has helped many people get more restful sleep. While some people may require sleep medications in certain situations, others may tend to over-medicate in the pursuit of quick fixes. Check out alternative methods in case something simple helps.

· Exercise regularly. People often don’t want to exercise when feeling stressed. Yet exercise can help clear the fog and tension accumulated from anxiety, anger and worry. Exercise won’t take away your reasons for getting stressed, but it strengthens your capacity to manage it.

· Don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t help to replay thoughts of things you could have done differently. We all have been caught off guard by unexpected changes. Moving forward is easier without carrying baggage about what you could have or should have done. Be easy on yourself.

Source: Children, Doc. De-Stress Kit for the Changing Times. Available free of charge at Institute of HeartMath Website, http://www.heartmath.org/destresskit.

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De Stress In 5 Minutes or Less

Posted by Dress for Success Midwest Professional Women's Group on July 29, 2010

Breathe consciously for energy clarity and balance.
S-t-r-e-t-c-h to restore full range of motion.’
Move your body to relax or energize-take a walk!
Look at it from a different perspective.
What is your WHY, personally and for the project?
Think with your head and your heart to tap into your highest intelligence.
Realign with your core values.
Complete something-anything!
Connect with someone who lifts your spirits.
Massage your neck shoulders, arms, hands, temples.
Remember your personal measures for success.
Drink a refreshing glass of water.
Call your coach or a mentor to get clear and centered.
Imagine being in your favorite place in nature.
Eat a heart- healthy snack.
Think about someone or something you appreciate.
Smile. Find the humor in the situation.
Quiet your mind with a short meditation.

Patty Cook, Executive and Life Coach
Life by Design, LLC
(636) 861-9100 or 1 800 236-9100
www.lifebydesign.biz

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Women and Stress

Posted by Dress for Success Midwest Professional Women's Group on July 3, 2010

Genesis 2:20, “So the man gave names to all the live stock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.  But for Adam no suitable helper was found.  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and he brought her to the man.”

Genesis 3:1, “Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animal the lord God had made.  He said to the woman, “Did God really say, “You must not eat from any tree in the garden?”

From the beginning, women have encountered stress, even while in the Garden of Eden.  Why did the serpent pick on Eve instead of Adam?  It is palpable; if the serpent had approached Adam, to attempt to convince him to eat of the Tree of Good and Evil; Eve, being intuitively stronger, may have convince him not to eat of it.  Therefore, he chose the person he felt, if he could convince her to eat, she would have the power and influence to convince Adam.  Obviously, the serpent made the correct choice!!! The pressure (stress); thus, was imposed upon Eve.

Women have always been intuitively stronger than men; consequently, they have been the individuals who have endured the stress to make or break a household.  In most cases, women have done what was needed, to make sure those she loved survived.  Even, if we research the women of slavery, the holocaust or any type of subjugated and pressurized situations; females have endured and manipulated their insurmountable stressors and elevated beyond their grasp. Typically, the most successful people have always had the support and guidance of a woman, whether they were mothers, wives, business partners or friends.  Examine the great people of our current times:  President Obama, Reagan, Clinton, and Bush, or Bill Gates, etc; all of these individuals had the appropriate support from intrinsically strong women.

God constructed the woman to be able to handle all sorts of stress, and still come out as an over comer; as long as they have experienced, an oneness relationship with Him.  With the help of God, women have learned to use the resistance they have incurred to propel them to their desired achievements.  The key has been learning how to negotiate their oppositions; as a jet learns to manipulate the wind speed, not just to take off; but also, to guide it to its ultimate destination.

Stress is only resistance; put before us, to help elevate us to achieving and becoming, only what we can fathom!!!

Dr. Steven Haymon, EDD
Psychotherapist/Consultant

Greater Insight Publishing

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